She’s a Lady...

Growing up I was always told to “act like a lady”. I knew that meant to be sweet, accommodating and not to draw too much attention to myself (I know, ironic, right?). Maybe being ladylike has had its day, maybe it’s an outdated concept, maybe we should just forget it all together. Maybe not. While there are definite parts of the ladylike life that are obsolete there are some others that I have found pretty useful. Perhaps it’s not necessary to jettison the concept all together, but to redefine it. So here is my personal guide to be a lady in the year 2018...

• A lady knows that good manners and an excellent education, not money or status, will take you absolutely everywhere. - Two things here- Someone once said to me that they did not teach their children manners because it squelched their individuality. I think she got it backwards. Manners are less about which fork to use, and more about making other people comfortable and having concern for the other person’s well being. In my mind, manners allow the other person to be who they are which in turn gives us permission to be ourself. And two- when I say an excellent education I do not mean a gilt edged degree from an elite school (or any school for that matter) I’m talking about making it a point to keep up with the world around you and remain curious about things. which brings me to my next point...

• A lady is well informed - Know what’s happening in your world and in the larger world. Read! Read! Read! Information is all around us, seek it out.

• A lady finds her voice and uses it to speak truth to power - A lady has no tolerance for injustice or abuse. She speaks out in whatever way is best for her. For some that may mean a strongly worded letter to her government representatives or an eloquent op-ed column. For others that may mean full throated protest marches. No matter the method, if she sees something she says something

• A lady supports her fellow women - The beauty of feminism is choice, we get to chose how we want to shape our lives. Every woman should not only have this right but should be respected for whatever choice she makes. If we suppport each other there is nothing that we cannot accomplish.

• A lady knows how to present herself to the world- I’m not talking about fashion here. I’m talking about how you communicate in every way- verbally, visually and through your social media. 

• A lady is ferociously herself - There are as many ways to be a lady as there are women on the planet. Why would you want to be a weak imitation of someone else when you can create the wonderful creature that is you?

• A lady is compassionate- I don’t believe that women are innately more compassionate than men. I have wrestled with this issue enough that I know it doesn’t always come easy. It is a choice to be compassionate. There is enough meanness in the world and kindness is getting harder to find. I make it part of my life not be because I am a woman but because I am human.

• A lady is persistent - There are days when you feel like giving up. Don’t. Just don’t. The world needs you and what you have to give. 

• A lady never makes herself smaller to make someone else feel better. - Anyone who expects you to be “less than” so they can feel good is not a person you need in your life. 

I am sure there are more things I can add to the list, but I’m interested in hearing from you. Is being a lady a concept that’s worth redefining? If we’re redefining it what things do you think are important to add to the code? There’s a great big comment section just waiting for your thoughts...